The Rewards of Prayer and Fasting

Into the fourth week of the fast. It is the toughest, not because of the things that I have given up, but because life threw a great big rock at me on Friday. Of course I gave it to God, took it back ten minutes later. Gave it back to God. Took it back... over and over and over. Asking Him how to face this, then stating I couldn't take anymore disappointments and hurt. Anger, pain, tears, desperation for the future problems that would have to arise were all I could feel.

Everyone has rocks thrown at them. I was helping at the church's outreach to the homeless on Saturday and witnessed the people who have been struggling in ways I can only imagine. Cold and hungry and sleeping in the woods. Carrying their worldly possessions in a backpack. That should be enough to humble a person, but nope, my heart still struggled with the pain and the anger. The next day, my husband and I went to see a person I love very much. I did not want to share my pain with her. I smiled and loved on her and her teenage girl and just took in the love they gave to us. I actually was feeling happy. Then she shared her story with me. She cried as she told me. She was telling me the exact same story I could have told her and sadly a lot more. She was so hurt and angry and with every reason to be.

It took a while to sink in, but I just tried to support her and tell her that I loved her. I told her to not worry too much about things she had no control over. To choose to be happy over sad. Then it hit me. God showed me that I could handle my situation. I will cry, I will hurt, and I will deal with it. He answered my prayer within 48 hours, by having me comfort someone else.

I briefly contemplated ending the fast a week early, cause life is so unfair. Why was I not being rewarded for my sacrifice? lol. Oh my, I was forgetting that it is not about me, it is about Him. Despite my selfish concerns, I was rewarded. He gave me the strength and the clarity to do what needs to be done, to stop feeling so desperate, to stop feeling the intense anger, and to continue the fast. I will continue to hurt and probably feel angry as circumstances evolve, but it will be much less dramatic.

He takes care of His children with such tender love. In the end, it always comes down to love.