Conviction, Guilt, Condemnation

The good the bad and the ugly are fighting to have control today. I am so upset because something I gave into is like a pebble being tossed into a pond. Ripples are visible and I cannot take back what I started. I am repentant, but I have already affected other lives. I am paying a price for not being obedient. There is no condemnation for those who are redeemed, but, man, it feels real bad. The conviction took a while, but the guilt took seconds.

I needed a biblical word and this is where I was led. Thank you Holy Spirit.

Psalm 51:1-17
1HAVE MERCY upon me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude of Your tender mercy and loving-kindness blot out my transgressions.

2Wash me thoroughly [and repeatedly] from my iniquity and guilt and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin!

3For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me.

4Against You, You only, have I sinned and done that which is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgment.(A)

5Behold, I was brought forth in [a state of] iniquity; my mother was sinful who conceived me [and I too am sinful].(B)

6Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.

7Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean [ceremonially]; wash me, and I shall [in reality] be whiter than snow.

8Make me to hear joy and gladness and be satisfied; let the bones which You have broken rejoice.

9Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my guilt and iniquities.

10Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me.

11Cast me not away from Your presence and take not Your Holy Spirit from me.

12Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.

13Then will I teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted and return to You.

14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness and death, O God, the God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness (Your rightness and Your justice).

15O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Your praise.

16For You delight not in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering.(C)

17My sacrifice [the sacrifice acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart [broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.

His love is so great, He is so good, He is so constant and faithful that in the times of David and in this millennium, all we need to do is confess, repent, and praise Him to obtain forgiveness.

Off to be obedient. Again it is all about love. Thank you Father.

Judge not... lest ye be judged

I've found that many of my friends, people who love me, don't really accept me and my christian principles. If I do not do things perfectly, the question is "and you call yourself a Christian?" Yup, I call myself a Christian because I am born again and I am in a daily struggle to let God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit transform my mind, spirit, and soul.

What I do and accomplish does not make me a Christian, it is what God does in me, what Jesus died for that makes me a Christian. I have no righteousness to boast of... God sees me through the righteousness of Jesus, the Lamb who was slain for my sins. I am but a sinner. Forgiven and redeemed. I ask for His guidance, confess my sins, ask His forgiveness, thank Him for His grace and mercy, hope that I am a light to some, sing His praises, and worship Him to the best of my limited ability. Only He knows how much I believe in Him, how much I love Him, and how much I depend on Him. No one else knows.

I heard Joyce Meyers say that only someone who knows all the facts is qualified to make a judgment. The only one who knows every thought and every action we ever made, and all the good things and bad things that happened to us throughout our lifetime is God. Only He is qualified to judge us. These, of course, are not her exact words, but you get the idea.

Many of our actions, decisions, and reactions are based on things that happened to us as children, as teens, and as adults. My children think they know me, my mother thought she knew me, my husband does too. But no one really knows everything that has influenced me in my lifetime. I probably don't remember a lot of it myself. In all truthfulness, I cannot explain why I have many of my faults and annoying qualities. Why am I sometimes loving, caring, compassionate and kind and other times sarcastic, suspicious, or unkind in thought, word, or deed.

I guess I can't expect others to understand what I do not always understand. I can, however, hope that they not judge my imperfect actions and thoughts and find me lacking as a christian, a disciple of Christ, a child of God. I can hope they love me with a forgiving and Christ-like love.

I pray that I always be led to follow:

Matthew 7 (amp)
1DO NOT judge and criticize and condemn others, so that you may not be judged and criticized and condemned yourselves.

It always comes back to love.

Speaking the whole truth

There is only one "truth" if you are a Christ follower. But that is just so hard to apply to the world we live in.

Anyone can ask us a question, we must decide if, and what, we want to answer. We are not under an obligation to answer with the facts they are requesting. We are obliged by common courtesy/politeness to make a reply of some sort though. The one thing that is very clear is that we must not lie.

I've been asked questions I am not comfortable answering "truthfully". Sometimes, it is because I know the answer but it was given to me in confidence that I would not repeat it. Other times I know I will come under attack if I give the information. Other times it just seems useless because the person is not in a place to receive the truth, as I perceive it, and not be hurt.

So, if I love my neighbor as myself, do I hand out the truth, as I perceive it, despite all possible subsequent consequences? If I am not telling the complete truth, as I perceive it, am I really telling a lie? Some would perceive that by not speaking the whole truth, one is actually telling a lie. Telling a lie is an abomination before God.

The other side of the coin that comes to my mind is:

Romans 12:18
If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Avoid unnecessary strife, do not be unkind, do not force confrontation into other people's lives.

We only have control of what we feel and do about information that comes to us. We have no control over other people's feelings. When we pour information into others we are affecting their lives. Perhaps in a very small way, but it could however have an immense impact. It could be like dropping a pebble into a pool, creating ripples that reach far out into others lives.

I am putting this into prayer, asking to be given wisdom in speaking to others... to be judicious, discerning, and compassionate when answering the tough questions. It once again boils down to love. May His love be apparent in my life and words.

How big is my God?

I was sitting on the edge of the bed and just thinking random thoughts. It turned to God, as it often does. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how we measure all things by what we know. On a certain level, I understand the universe is bigger than our galaxy. I understand that the earth is not the largest planet in our galaxy. The continent that I live on is not the largest. The island in the Caribbean I was born on is a mere 100 by 45 aeronautical miles. Miniscule in the scheme of things. If the island is that tiny, I by comparison am barely existent. A mere 5 foot 2 inches tall by 23 inches wide (46 inches in circumference). I already used the word miniscule... so I must need another word to describe my tininess in the scheme of things. Infinitesimal?

My wandering mind remembered that it is said that the waters of the earth fit in the palm of His hand. That would make the Caribbean a microscopic dot. He is so big, bigger than my mind can perceive... what is the opposite of infinitesimal? According to Google, I probably know or am familiar with about a 100,000 words and their different meanings by being fluent in the English and in the Spanish languages. Let's say for argument's sake I can use 10,000 words. Honestly, the closest I can come to describing God's bigness is - omnipresent. I humbly admit, that I'm not even sure what that means, so basically, I remain wordless.

I said all that because, as I contemplated His bigness and my insignificant, invisible size, I realized... He listens to me. I am not worthy.

Now I have to try to get a grasp on how big is His love.

What is truth

Someone told another person the "truth." It was a hurtful statement. The originator of the statement claimed that it was okay to speak those words because it was the truth. Them's fighting words.

Off on a tangent go I. In my mind, I'm hearing, does anyone have the "right" to speak whatever is on their minds to anyone they want without consequence because they label it the truth. And while we're at it, what is the truth? Not talking about God's Truth, that's a whole other topic for another post.

Truth
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Truth can have a variety of meanings, from the state of being the case, being in accord with a particular fact or reality, being in accord with the body of real things, events, actuality, or fidelity to an original or to a standard. In archaic usage it could be fidelity, constancy or sincerity in action, character, and utterance.[1] The term has no single definition yet about which over fifty percent of professional philosophers and scholars agree[who?], and various theories and views of truth continue to be debated. There are differing claims on such questions as what constitutes truth; what things are truthbearers capable of being true or false; how to define and identify truth; the roles that revealed and acquired knowledge play; and whether truth is subjective, relative, objective, or absolute.

Too many times when people speak the "truth", they are just stating an opinion, an impression, a concept, a perception, or using logic. That's a toughie to decipher. They may actually believe that they "know" the truth. Not an actual lie.

I once told someone that a certain phrase he just used (and that many attribute to the bible) is not actually biblical. Nope not in there. He responded yes, it is. And he believed he was right, that he was telling the truth. It sounded good, everyone says it, so it must be truth. I researched it because I too thought at one time that it was biblical. (Turns out that a man who did not believe in God was cited as the author of the words.)I was able to make up my own mind, and decided to drop it... No one was hurt by this particular exchange.

Not too long ago, a friend of mine was in the back seat of a car. Another persons purse was back there. The wallet that should have been in the purse was not there when she got out. Logic led to a very hurtful situation. The whole truth will never be known, because the person who was missing the wallet just did not know if it was left at a store she had been at earlier.

A few people became involved and insisted that my friend hand over her purse to make sure the missing wallet was not in it. They were sure of the "truth" because of logic. The wallet was not in my friend's purse. She was hurt and embarrassed to think that they assumed she would steal.

I told them that it would probably make me leave the church if someone accused me of stealing. I was told that people who have a defensive attitude have a problem. The "truth" of that statement eluded me as well. I took offense and had to ask God's forgiveness.

Bottom line, if we claim something is the truth, and believe it, that is fine, but nothing gives us the freedom or permission to hurt someone irresponsibly. I am setting a new standard in my life... wish me luck.

To steal or not to steal that is the question.

What is stealing? Is it shoplifting. Is it cheating on your taxes? Is it taking pencils home from the office for the kids? Is it doing personal things on company time? Is it keeping something that you have found without trying to find who owns it. Not returning material to the library. Taking fruit off the trees that are not on your property? Is it switching labels on something so you pay less for it? Is it not tithing?

I suppose it depends a lot on how you want to see it. So, what's the big deal?
They have so much, they won't miss it.
Everybody does it.
Their insurance will reimburse them.
I'm just trying to feed my family.
I deserve it.
They don't deserve it.
I'll show them.
They'll never notice.
Buyer beware.
The government just wastes our money anyway.
You gotta do, what you gotta do.
It will make me "cool".

And that makes it alright. NOT!

I'm not quite sure when I finally understood it. Simple... if its not yours and you use or abuse or take it or keep it without permission - that is stealing. It's so hard to not break that one simple rule. We can change, and it is an essential to change the way we look at things. Part of the journey.

We have choices, if we choose to steal, in any of its forms, we will have to take responsibility for anything that happens as a consequence to the people/institution from whom we stole as well as bear the weight of the sin for our behavior.

Whether one believes in God or just believes what goes around comes around or just doesn't care one way or the other, there is a consequence. Sadly, we may not pay for it at the time, perhaps we first have to watch our children, who learned from us, as they reap the harsh but inevitable consequences.

If we love our children, we will do everything in our power to protect them from being hurt... so it doesn't make sense to teach them behavior which will ultimately harm them. Sadly, I've watched mothers use their children to shoplift, I can't even imagine what the future holds for most of them. Even sadder is that I will not let certain members of my own family stay in a room alone. The nails on the cross are not safe around them.

Trying to bring this around to love. If you love God, you will eventually love yourself enough to find the courage to change, and the love and the power to encourage others to change. Love really is the key.

Put Up Your Dukes

Interesting saying. I wonder if it is still a meaningful challenge. Probably cause more laughter than fear these days.

Just thinking that my hubby is a kind and compassionate man. He can be infuriating as he is extremely passive aggressive. He always has been. He mumbles to himself as he walks away, but not loud enough for the words to be distinguishable, but loud enough to have made the point. If you ask what he said..."nothing" comes back.

It makes me wonder how to describe myself these days. Anger always was an issue and is still an issue. Was the angry daughter of the angry mom, who was the angry daughter of my angry grandfather, Pedro. He was probably born into slavery at the beginning of the 20th century in the Caribbean, because my great-grandmother was supposedly a native Taino indian and guessing that his father was black. Pedro was a smart, tough, man. He worked in the sugar cane fields and ended up being a loan shark of sorts. Not sure about any of this, since my mother would not speak much about him and my aunt said he had died long before that was actually a fact (another angry woman).

Why delve into all this? To give myself an excuse, no way Jose. To give God the glory. I was born to the person He wanted me to be born to. I was not as cruel and unforgiving as my grandfather, nor was my mother. She was the non-dominant one of a set of identical twins. Beautiful face, sweet disposition, when not taken to that angry place, much nicer than her twin sister on many levels. I thank God she (of the two) was my mother.

For 55 years I had absolutely no control over the red emotion (that is how I perceive it) that would engulf me. There is a switch that is tripped when I get angry. I could almost hear the click. The adrenaline and the tears would flow... and the defenses would go up and the intelligence would seep out somewhere. There are probably good scientific explanations for all of that. Don't know. Just know that I hurt people left and right... and felt entitled.

Since I gave my life to God, accepted Jesus as the Son of God and as my Savior, I have felt bits and pieces of the anger fall away. Tiny bits and pieces. Nothing grand scale, but the change has taken place. I still get angry, would be lying if I said any differently. But that huge, all encompassing need to strike out, has gotten so small, that it is almost impossible for me to lift a hand against another human being. At least I hope and pray so. The words however, still get past my lips, more often than I want to admit to.

I thought I was beyond the anger (the big bad one that was accompanied by the desire to strike out physically), but lo and behold, I was taught differently.

I felt led to expand my service in the kingdom by going out in local missions. I spoke it, looking for direction and prayer. I immediately got slammed emotionally and spiritually. Everything and everybody started making me angry and sad. Long story short, I realized that I was being taught something. That I did not get rid of my anger, God graced me with His patience, the Holy Spirit interceded when I needed to be held back, that I was the recipient of His great mercy. Without those things, I was just that angry person all over again. I give Him the glory. He released me from this following a three week fast. I sat in church and heard, "This is not the last battle you will have... but this one is over." Oh, Thank you sweet Jesus. It was a rough tear-filled two months. I had to apologize to people and got in trouble with a pastor at church. But my joy was restored... my peace with my God was back. I could now proceed to the next step and go out into the new ministry.

When you are "in" the world, live by the standards of the world, you will not have His grace and mercy to hold back the spirit of anger. It is a painful spirit. The spirit of love and the spirit of anger do not coexist successfully. I know, I hurt the people I loved.

Fill me with your loving spirit Jesus.